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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Studies Show Alternative Medicine Ineffective

After spending $2.5 billion, the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine has found that most alternative medicine cures—like echinacea, ginkgo biloba, and shark cartilage—do not work. What do you think?
  • "I don't need some study to tell me what I already know: If you want to stay sick, take herbs; if you want to get better, pray."

    Michael Jennings Systems Analyst
  • "So my idiot friends who have never been to medical school don't know what they're talking about?"

    Laura Roma Grant Writer
  • "Is that so? Well, I'm still gonna put these 'proven to work' stickers on the bottles of ginkgo biloba pills, and I’ll ask you to mind your own business and shut the hell up about it."

    Dan Cummings Herbalist
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