Studies Show Alternative Medicine Ineffective

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Vol 45 Issue 29

Wow Factor Added To Corporate Presentation

CHARLOTTE, NC—Sources confirmed that the wow factor—an intangible set of viscerally pleasing features that instill onlookers with a feeling of exhilaration and intense interest—was successfully added to this Thursday’s upcoming PowerPoint presentation.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

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Studies Show Alternative Medicine Ineffective

After spending $2.5 billion, the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine has found that most alternative medicine cures—like echinacea, ginkgo biloba, and shark cartilage—do not work. What do you think?
  • "I don't need some study to tell me what I already know: If you want to stay sick, take herbs; if you want to get better, pray."

    Michael Jennings
    Systems Analyst
  • "So my idiot friends who have never been to medical school don't know what they're talking about?"

    Laura Roma
    Grant Writer
  • "Is that so? Well, I'm still gonna put these 'proven to work' stickers on the bottles of ginkgo biloba pills, and I’ll ask you to mind your own business and shut the hell up about it."

    Dan Cummings
    Herbalist
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