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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Studies Show Alternative Medicine Ineffective

After spending $2.5 billion, the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine has found that most alternative medicine cures—like echinacea, ginkgo biloba, and shark cartilage—do not work. What do you think?
  • "I don't need some study to tell me what I already know: If you want to stay sick, take herbs; if you want to get better, pray."

    Michael Jennings Systems Analyst
  • "So my idiot friends who have never been to medical school don't know what they're talking about?"

    Laura Roma Grant Writer
  • "Is that so? Well, I'm still gonna put these 'proven to work' stickers on the bottles of ginkgo biloba pills, and I’ll ask you to mind your own business and shut the hell up about it."

    Dan Cummings Herbalist

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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