Study: 1 In 6 Public School Teachers Were ‘Chronically Absent’ Last Year

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Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.
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Study: 1 In 6 Public School Teachers Were ‘Chronically Absent’ Last Year

According to a new report from the National Council on Teaching Quality, 1 in 6 public school teachers were “chronically absent” last year, missing 18 school days or more. What do you think?

  • “This would be a major problem if our nation’s public schools didn’t have such high-quality substitute teachers.”

    Robert Nesbitt
    Systems Analyst
  • “Shame on these perpetually absent teachers for treating the American education system with the same level of respect the rest of us do.”

    Karl Pennington
    Typeface Designer
  • “So do we cut school funding again, or what?”

    Michelle Oppher
    Craft Services Manager
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