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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Study: 1 In 6 Public School Teachers Were ‘Chronically Absent’ Last Year

According to a new report from the National Council on Teaching Quality, 1 in 6 public school teachers were “chronically absent” last year, missing 18 school days or more. What do you think?

  • “This would be a major problem if our nation’s public schools didn’t have such high-quality substitute teachers.”

    Robert Nesbitt Systems Analyst
  • “Shame on these perpetually absent teachers for treating the American education system with the same level of respect the rest of us do.”

    Karl Pennington Typeface Designer
  • “So do we cut school funding again, or what?”

    Michelle Oppher Craft Services Manager

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