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Study: 95% Of People Don’t Wash Hands Correctly

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.
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Study: 95% Of People Don’t Wash Hands Correctly

A Michigan State University study, which observed 3,700 people washing their hands in public bathrooms, found that only one in 20 people wash well enough to kill bacteria and other germs, with the other 95 percent not using soap, not scrubbing for the recommended 20 seconds, or not washing at all. What do you think?

  • “I wash my hands when and how I want, and I don’t need some egghead telling me different.”

    Brian Warren
    Scientific Illustrator
  • “That’s strange. Usually I wash my hands longer whenever there’s a guy standing there with a clipboard and stopwatch.”

    Alvin Huffman
    Unemployed
  • “It’s amazing we’re all still alive.”

    Charlotte Reilly
    Probation Officer

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