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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Acupuncture Works

A recent German study demonstrated that acupuncture, even fake acupuncture, worked better than conventional care to relieve chronic back pain. What do you think?
  • "Whenever I stick needles in myself, I feel better. Of course, they are full of drugs."

    Sasha Makepeace Systems Analyst
  • "Conventional care being the eight minutes of therapy after waiting four hours in a hard plastic chair? Yeah, how did that fail?"

    Doug May Barber
  • "Isn't all acupuncture 'fake acupuncture?'"

    Brad Cohn Guitar Maker

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