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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Study: Acupuncture Works

A recent German study demonstrated that acupuncture, even fake acupuncture, worked better than conventional care to relieve chronic back pain. What do you think?
  • "Whenever I stick needles in myself, I feel better. Of course, they are full of drugs."

    Sasha Makepeace Systems Analyst
  • "Conventional care being the eight minutes of therapy after waiting four hours in a hard plastic chair? Yeah, how did that fail?"

    Doug May Barber
  • "Isn't all acupuncture 'fake acupuncture?'"

    Brad Cohn Guitar Maker
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