adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Study: Americans Eat Half Their Meals Alone

According to a new market research report, 57 percent of all American meals are eaten alone, due in part to more people living in single-person households and to there being less stigma associated with eating alone. What do you think?

  • “There’s still plenty of stigma attached to eating alone when you do it the way I do.”

    Lindsay Schamus Coinstar Emptier
  • “When we’re at Wendy’s, are any of us truly alone?”

    Philip Doran Unemployed
  • “Glad to know I’m ahead of the curve on something.”

    Geoff Stier Poster Printer

More from this section

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close