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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Study: Bullies Derive Health Benefits From Behavior

According to a new study, adolescents who bullied others showed lower levels of inflammation, leaving them at lower risk of heart disease and other chronic conditions, while their victims showed much higher inflammation levels. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, but if I stood up for myself then I’d be dead already.”

    Doug Corman Internet Security Expert
  • “The trick is to bully someone just enough that you reap the health benefits but not so much that they come to school and kill you.”

    Beth Granger Duplex Realtor
  • “At least I took all those punches for someone.”

    Mike Haffeman Genealogist
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