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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study: Casual Marijuana Use Can Still Cause Brain Abnormalities

Debunking the belief that casual pot smoking isn’t harmful, a recent study in The Journal of Neuroscience found that even smokers who light up once or twice a week have been shown to develop brain abnormalities. What do you think?

  • “My guess is that a lot of people are still going to smoke pot.”

    Ron Steele Metal Inspector
  • “It’s true. Smoking pot can cause you to ask all kinds of paranoid questions like why the sample size of this study was so small and whether its results have been corroborated by further research.”

    Paul Mandia Classroom Assistant
  • “Eh. My brain was nothing special before.”

    Linda Hanable Button Sorter

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