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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Study: Casual Marijuana Use Can Still Cause Brain Abnormalities

Debunking the belief that casual pot smoking isn’t harmful, a recent study in The Journal of Neuroscience found that even smokers who light up once or twice a week have been shown to develop brain abnormalities. What do you think?

  • “My guess is that a lot of people are still going to smoke pot.”

    Ron Steele Metal Inspector
  • “It’s true. Smoking pot can cause you to ask all kinds of paranoid questions like why the sample size of this study was so small and whether its results have been corroborated by further research.”

    Paul Mandia Classroom Assistant
  • “Eh. My brain was nothing special before.”

    Linda Hanable Button Sorter
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