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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Study: Cat People Smarter Than Dog People

According to a study that looked at traits in 600 college-aged pet owners, while dog owners tended to be more lively, cat owners were more likely to be “non-conformists” and scored higher on intelligence tests than their canine-loving counterparts. What do you think?

  • “That’s why those cat hoarders on TV always make such eloquent points.”

    James Pasternack Mapping Technician
  • “I shall raise my son with one dog and one cat and allow him to choose for himself between the life of the body and the life of the mind.”

    Paul Abadie Solar Photovoltaic Installer
  • “What about lizard people? What’s their deal?”

    Alexa Yates Information Clerk

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