Study: Cat People Smarter Than Dog People

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comedy

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Study: Cat People Smarter Than Dog People

According to a study that looked at traits in 600 college-aged pet owners, while dog owners tended to be more lively, cat owners were more likely to be “non-conformists” and scored higher on intelligence tests than their canine-loving counterparts. What do you think?

  • “That’s why those cat hoarders on TV always make such eloquent points.”

    James Pasternack
    Mapping Technician
  • “I shall raise my son with one dog and one cat and allow him to choose for himself between the life of the body and the life of the mind.”

    Paul Abadie
    Solar Photovoltaic Installer
  • “What about lizard people? What’s their deal?”

    Alexa Yates
    Information Clerk
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More