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Study: Childless Couples Have Happier Marriages

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Study: Childless Couples Have Happier Marriages

According to research from a British university, childless couples are happier with their relationships and feel more valued by their partners than couples that have children, with the results holding true for both heterosexual and homosexual couples. What do you think?

  • “My parents did always tell me I was the source of their unhappiness.”

    Phyllis Ireland Wax Pourer
  • “So that’s why barren women always look so happy.”

    Denny Duchesne Locksmith
  • “What are you saying, Sheila? Are you saying you want a divorce?”

    Brian O’Hara Railroad Track Inspector

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