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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Study: Childless Couples Have Happier Marriages

According to research from a British university, childless couples are happier with their relationships and feel more valued by their partners than couples that have children, with the results holding true for both heterosexual and homosexual couples. What do you think?

  • “My parents did always tell me I was the source of their unhappiness.”

    Phyllis Ireland Wax Pourer
  • “So that’s why barren women always look so happy.”

    Denny Duchesne Locksmith
  • “What are you saying, Sheila? Are you saying you want a divorce?”

    Brian O’Hara Railroad Track Inspector

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