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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study: College Education More Valuable Than Ever

According to a new analysis by the Economic Policy Institute, though recent graduates often struggle to find work and student debt has passed the $1 trillion mark, a college education is more valuable than ever because the wage gap between grads and non-grads continues to grow. What do you think?

  • “Really? Well then, by all means, raise tuition.”

    Tim Randolph-Davis Student
  • “I’ve found it pretty easy to just say I have a college degree and reap the rewards that way.”

    Paul Ocshe Personal Scheduler
  • “And that doesn’t even take into account that college is where you get the best nicknames.”

    Aurielle Peters Quilter

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