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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Study: ‘Cool Kids’ Struggle As Adults

According to a decade-long study that tracked hundreds of teenagers into adulthood, students who were considered “cool kids” in middle school turned out to have more problems as adults, such as substance abuse and criminal behavior. What do you think?

  • “I always thought most people struggled as adults.”

    Richard Mason Glass Buffer
  • “Maybe so, but Brian Seagil still drove his parents’ car around at 14, and nothing can take that away from him.”

    Elliott McFadden Mail Censor
  • “I still want my kids to be cool and admired by their peers. I don’t care what the consequences are.”

    Marsha Cummings Buffett Sampler

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