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Study: Cost Of Raising Kid In U.S. Now $240,000

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Study: Cost Of Raising Kid In U.S. Now $240,000

The Department of Agriculture calculated that the cost of raising a child born in 2012 until his or her 18th birthday, including food, shelter, daycare, and other expenses, will total $241,080 for the average middle-class American family. What do you think?

  • “But just ask any parent if it was worth it, and I’m sure they’ll tell you ‘maybe.’”

    Buddy Wohl Log Sorter
  • “That’s why I’m opting for one of those discount kids. You remember them from school: badly dressed, funny smell, no money for lunch.”

    Albert Whilden Hydroponics Grower
  • “Thank God my womb is barren.”

    Barbara Holmberg Trimming Finisher

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