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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study Counters Autism-Vaccination Link

A new study found no evidence to support the long-speculated causality between infant vaccination and autism. What do you think?
  • "I am unmoved by these findings. The amount of scientific evidence I've made up in my mind is too significant to refute."

    Penelope Budisch Concierge
  • "After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."

    Joe Luttig Window Washer
  • "That narrows it down to being the parents' fault."

    Carl Black Systems Analyst

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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

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