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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Study: Couples Who Throw Big Weddings Have Happier Marriages

A new study of married couples found that pairs who threw big weddings, defined as having 150 guests or more, reported having happier marriages than those who had weddings with 50 guests or fewer. What do you think?

  • “You can’t even put together a decent registry with 50 guests.”

    Danielle Vonn Urban Farming Expert
  • “Without a doubt, the more emotionally and financially entangled you are in your distant relatives’ lives, the happier you become.”

    Carter Benson Airport Shuttle Driver
  • “I hope this doesn’t encourage some couples to throw lavish wedding ceremonies beyond their financial means.”

    Rob Tollinger Suitcase Packer

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