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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Double Dating Ignites Passion In Relationships

According to recent research, going on double dates increases romance between couples because sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with other pairs helps reignite the passion of early dating and brings people closer together. What do you think?

  • “It’s true. Nothing’s hotter than trying to divvy up a restaurant bill.”

    Deirdre Corcoran Payroll Processor
  • “Yes, my penis was rock hard the entire time my wife and I were out with Tom and Linda last week.”

    Johnny Kalder Dock Worker
  • “I’ve tried that! I’ve tried everything! The spark is just gone! Oh, God! Janet, what happened to us?”

    Mark Readman Hardwood Installer

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