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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Study: Double Dating Ignites Passion In Relationships

According to recent research, going on double dates increases romance between couples because sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with other pairs helps reignite the passion of early dating and brings people closer together. What do you think?

  • “It’s true. Nothing’s hotter than trying to divvy up a restaurant bill.”

    Deirdre Corcoran Payroll Processor
  • “Yes, my penis was rock hard the entire time my wife and I were out with Tom and Linda last week.”

    Johnny Kalder Dock Worker
  • “I’ve tried that! I’ve tried everything! The spark is just gone! Oh, God! Janet, what happened to us?”

    Mark Readman Hardwood Installer
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