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Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan

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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
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Study: Fame May Shorten Lifespan

An analysis of obituaries appearing in The New York Times between 2009 and 2011 found that people who were classified as “famous”—such as sports figures and performers—lived, on average, several years fewer than those in other fields. What do you think?

  • “Good thing I’m culturally inconsequential!”

    Jaleel Bryson
    Lip Reading Teacher
  • “I have 243 Twitter followers. How long do I have?”

    Sophie Mashimo
    Textile Engineer
  • “Fuck.”

    Bruce Springsteen
    Musician

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