adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Study Finds Children Of Same-Sex Parents Happier And Healthier

Contradicting assertions that children with same-sex parents would be hindered by not being raised by both a male and a female, a study from the University of Melbourne found that such children actually scored higher than children with opposite-sex parents in measures of general health and family cohesion. What do you think?

  • “Nothing brings a family closer than having to constantly defend its existence.”

    Olivia Manzo Tambourine Restorer
  • “But these children still face the major stigma of being the only students at their school who come from a happy household.”

    Harry Wolford Unemployed
  • “This should shut my brother-in-law up once and for all.”

    Dan Pemberton Escape Artist

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close