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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Study Finds Children Of Same-Sex Parents Happier And Healthier

Contradicting assertions that children with same-sex parents would be hindered by not being raised by both a male and a female, a study from the University of Melbourne found that such children actually scored higher than children with opposite-sex parents in measures of general health and family cohesion. What do you think?

  • “Nothing brings a family closer than having to constantly defend its existence.”

    Olivia Manzo Tambourine Restorer
  • “But these children still face the major stigma of being the only students at their school who come from a happy household.”

    Harry Wolford Unemployed
  • “This should shut my brother-in-law up once and for all.”

    Dan Pemberton Escape Artist

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