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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Study: Girls Internalize Gender Stereotypes By Age 6

A study of 400 students found that as early as age 6, girls begin to develop the perception that boys are smarter and more skilled than girls. What do you think?

  • “Would marketing a line of pink calculators help?”

    Rodney Dolan Molasses Bottler
  • “Well, I was already internalizing gender stereotypes at age 4.”

    Liam Jeffers Raccoon Trapper
  • “I regret helping my son with his diorama if it made anyone feel inadequate.”

    Lauren Host Lace Hemmer

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