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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Study: Gut Instincts Help Predict Marital Happiness

A study published in the journal Science found that the “gut” feelings newlyweds have for each other right after getting married are good predictors of future happiness, with couples experiencing underlying doubts about their partners less likely to stay together than those with positive subconscious feelings at the time. What do you think?

  • “Great, now I know how to interpret that sinking, this-is-the-worst-mistake-of-my-life feeling I had right after I got married.”

    Taryn West Paralegal
  • “Are brains good for anything anymore?”

    Michelle Cramer Stable Attendant
  • “For something as big as marriage, it’s best to let your wife make the decision.”

    Matthew Schiller Wood Grinder
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