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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Study: Gut Instincts Help Predict Marital Happiness

A study published in the journal Science found that the “gut” feelings newlyweds have for each other right after getting married are good predictors of future happiness, with couples experiencing underlying doubts about their partners less likely to stay together than those with positive subconscious feelings at the time. What do you think?

  • “Great, now I know how to interpret that sinking, this-is-the-worst-mistake-of-my-life feeling I had right after I got married.”

    Taryn West Paralegal
  • “Are brains good for anything anymore?”

    Michelle Cramer Stable Attendant
  • “For something as big as marriage, it’s best to let your wife make the decision.”

    Matthew Schiller Wood Grinder

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