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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Use Phones For Sexting

According to a recent study from the security software company McAfee, more than half of U.S. adults have used their cell phones to send or receive sexually suggestive content including videos, photos, emails, and text messages. What do you think?

  • “These sick individuals adding spice to their healthy sex lives should be ashamed of themselves!”

    Maggie Olson Unemployed
  • “If sexting is so common then why does my autocorrect keep turning ‘throbbing cock’ into ‘trombone Xochitl’?”

    Ben Warren File Clerk
  • “I miss the simpler times before phones when you just flashed a person on the street you liked.”

    Michael Milligan Equipment Manager

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