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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Use Phones For Sexting

According to a recent study from the security software company McAfee, more than half of U.S. adults have used their cell phones to send or receive sexually suggestive content including videos, photos, emails, and text messages. What do you think?

  • “These sick individuals adding spice to their healthy sex lives should be ashamed of themselves!”

    Maggie Olson Unemployed
  • “If sexting is so common then why does my autocorrect keep turning ‘throbbing cock’ into ‘trombone Xochitl’?”

    Ben Warren File Clerk
  • “I miss the simpler times before phones when you just flashed a person on the street you liked.”

    Michael Milligan Equipment Manager

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