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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Use Phones For Sexting

According to a recent study from the security software company McAfee, more than half of U.S. adults have used their cell phones to send or receive sexually suggestive content including videos, photos, emails, and text messages. What do you think?

  • “These sick individuals adding spice to their healthy sex lives should be ashamed of themselves!”

    Maggie Olson Unemployed
  • “If sexting is so common then why does my autocorrect keep turning ‘throbbing cock’ into ‘trombone Xochitl’?”

    Ben Warren File Clerk
  • “I miss the simpler times before phones when you just flashed a person on the street you liked.”

    Michael Milligan Equipment Manager
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