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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Study: Handful Of Nuts Each Day Lengthens Life

A recent study found that people who ate a handful of nuts five or more times per week lived longer than people who rarely consumed nuts, with nut-eaters experiencing a 29 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease and 11 percent lower risk of dying from cancer. What do you think?

  • “But what if you have little hands? What then?”

    Valerie Crusoe Server Technician
  • “Looks like I owe that weird nut guy at work an apology.”

    Lamont Carson Bookbinder
  • “Squirrels have always known this.”

    Alton Dumont Propeller Maker

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