adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Study: Housecats Kill Billions Of Animals A Year

According to a new study, the nation’s population of domestic housecats and feral strays kills an estimated 2.4 billion birds and 12.3 billion mammals each year, far more than scientists previously believed. What do you think?

  • “Yes, but they are also so schmoogums.”

    Kelly Anderson Vineyard Laborer
  • “Just out of curiosity, how many cans of tuna does one of these little slaughterers require to knock off, say, a business partner?”

    Mike Eddo Film Studio Owner
  • “Who would have thought cats could be such assholes?”

    Horace Prince Belt Grinder
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close