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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Study: Humans Now Have Shorter Attention Spans Than Goldfish

According to a small study conducted by the Microsoft Corporation, the average human attention span is now down to eight seconds, or one second shorter than that of a goldfish, which the researchers blame on an increased reliance on technology. What do you think?

  • “You can’t expect humans to measure up to goldfish in every respect.”

    Billy Sickler Unemployed
  • “That doesn’t really seem like a fair comparison given that our species use technology in completely different ways.”

    Phyllis Forsythe Party Planner
  • “Great, thanks for ruining my next eight seconds or so.”

    Dave Sorrells Campground Supervisor

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