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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study: Liberals Drink More Than Conservatives

A study published in the Journal of Wine Economics, which analyzed data from all 50 states for a period of 50 years, found that blue states drank more liquor and beer than states that leaned right. What do you think?

  • “I wonder if it helps them live with what they did at Benghazi.”

    Tony Pettini Youth Sports Organizer
  • “Oh, that’s just because liberals are sadder, happier, more social, less social, or bored.”

    Milena Whitakker Gallery Owner
  • “So sue us if we’re still celebrating the reelection of G. K. Butterfield of North Carolina’s first congressional district.”

    Gary Call College Bursar

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God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

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