Study: Life On Earth Has 1.75 Billion Years Left

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Vol 49 Issue 39

Jay Kogen

Caricature artist Jay Kogen went easy on the jowls.

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Scientists Recommend Having Earth Put Down

FORT COLLINS, CO—Claiming that it is the humane thing to do, and that the planet is “just going to suffer” if kept alive any longer, members of the world’s scientific community recommended today that Earth be put down. “We re...
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Study: Life On Earth Has 1.75 Billion Years Left

A new study found that our planet will remain habitable for life forms for at least the next 1.75 billion years, after which the sun’s increasing heat will burn off all the liquid water on the planet and render Earth unfit for life to exist. What do you think?

  • “Is the moon going to be okay?”

    Buck Schuler
    Kennel Attendant
  • “So long, credit card debt!”

    Lucille Shepherd
    Ice Cream Truck Driver
  • “I bet we can get that down to a clean 1 billion.”

    Keith Fleischmann
    Realtor
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