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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Study: Life On Earth Has 1.75 Billion Years Left

A new study found that our planet will remain habitable for life forms for at least the next 1.75 billion years, after which the sun’s increasing heat will burn off all the liquid water on the planet and render Earth unfit for life to exist. What do you think?

  • “Is the moon going to be okay?”

    Buck Schuler Kennel Attendant
  • “So long, credit card debt!”

    Lucille Shepherd Ice Cream Truck Driver
  • “I bet we can get that down to a clean 1 billion.”

    Keith Fleischmann Realtor

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