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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Study: Life On Earth May Have Started On Mars

According to scientist Steven Benner, conditions on Mars 3 billion years ago were more conducive than those on Earth to creating one of the earliest molecules of life, RNA, and that meteorites may have transported these molecules to Earth’s surface. What do you think?

  • “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

    Andre Crocker IT Specialist
  • “I’ll read that study only if it’s published in a mass-market glossy periodical with a hand-painted depiction of the Red Planet and the title ‘Is Mars Eden?’ in bold font.”

    Agatha Parnell Concierge
  • “My annoying platitude about us all being immigrants is even truer than I knew.”

    Sven Duncan Unemployed

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