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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Male, Female Brains Wired Differently

A recent study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found significant differences in how neural networks are connected in the brains of men versus women, with male brains better structured to facilitate perception and action and female brains more attuned to reasoning and intuition. What do you think?

  • “I’m sure this study can’t possibly be misinterpreted in any way.”

    Jackson Haney Adhesive Sprayer
  • “I usually just go by what kind of genitalia they have."

    Anna Duarte Bookkeeper
  • “So who wins?”

    Mike Lucero Instrument Repair Supervisor

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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