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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Study: Media Biased In Support Of Gay Marriage

A survey found that media stories that focused on support for same-sex marriage appeared five times more often than those that focused on opposition to the issue, while responses on Twitter were far more evenly divided between the supporting and opposing camps. What do you think?

  • “Shit, I wondered how I became so tolerant.”

    Heidi Meehan Memorial Designer
  • “I believe @gayH8r brings an especially unique perspective to the debate.”

    Kyle Lipinski Wedding Planner
  • “Oh, who are we kidding? Gay marriage is wrong, isn’t it?”

    Allan Fox Fan Blade Aligner

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