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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Media Biased In Support Of Gay Marriage

A survey found that media stories that focused on support for same-sex marriage appeared five times more often than those that focused on opposition to the issue, while responses on Twitter were far more evenly divided between the supporting and opposing camps. What do you think?

  • “Shit, I wondered how I became so tolerant.”

    Heidi Meehan Memorial Designer
  • “I believe @gayH8r brings an especially unique perspective to the debate.”

    Kyle Lipinski Wedding Planner
  • “Oh, who are we kidding? Gay marriage is wrong, isn’t it?”

    Allan Fox Fan Blade Aligner

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