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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Study: Morning Light Can Help You Lose Body Fat

According to a new study, people who regularly expose themselves to early morning sunlight by waking up early are more likely to have a lower body mass index. What do you think?

  • “So I just have to wake up at the crack of dawn and start exercising? I’m sorry, but that sounds just a little too easy.”

    Gavin Harreman Systems Analyst
  • “Yeah, but I only wake up early so I can try to squeeze in a second breakfast before Sell This House! comes on.”

    Charlie Lundberg Technical Analyst
  • “Good. I’ve been looking for another thing that isn’t diet and exercise.”

    Margaret Chapman Case Worker

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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