Study: Nearly Half Of Americans Can’t Swim

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Vol 50 Issue 21

High School Makes Girls’ Yearbook Photos Less Sexy

Wasatch High School in Utah is facing criticism after several female students discovered the yearbook staff had altered their photos by digitally adding sleeves and higher necklines, changes officials said were made to comply with the school’s dress...

Nation's Depressed March On Atlantic Ocean

The only nation where this regularly happens concludes that there’s no way to prevent this, a college rape victim is pretty thrilled about recounting her assault to a faculty committee, and the nation’s depressed individuals march on the Atlan...

How Recycling Works

With humans consuming an increasing amount of resources, the process of recycling has become more important than ever for protecting the planet.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Study: Nearly Half Of Americans Can’t Swim

According to a new study by the Red Cross, 46 percent of Americans who say they know how to swim can’t perform the five water safety skills that are essential for saving oneself from drowning. What do you think?

  • “If we have to learn all that stuff, then what the hell are we paying all the lifeguards for?”

    Tim Fernandez
    Outlet Inventory Planner
  • “Rising sea levels will weed them out soon enough.”

    Oliver Brogan
    Gift Wrapper
  • “Can’t we just strap them to the other half who can?”

    Amanda Firmani
    Still Photographer
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