Study: Psychedelic Mushrooms May Be Good For Brain

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Study: Psychedelic Mushrooms May Be Good For Brain

According to a study published in the journal Human Brain Mapping, the chemical psilocybin, which produces the hallucinatory effects experienced by people ingesting psychedelic “magic mushrooms,” may also produce feelings of optimism and happiness that last months after the mushrooms are consumed. What do youthink?

  • “Maybe, but I still wouldn’t recommend taking a huge wad of them at a Green Bay Packers game.”

    Meredith Gorman
    Medical Waste Packager
  • “Glad these researchers were able to grow back their arms and write down their findings.”

    Doug Katz
    Head Ethicist
  • “Come on, aren’t there any drugs left that just fuck you up?”

    Mitchell Langley
    Worm Technician