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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Study: Psychedelics Lead To ‘Higher State Of Consciousness’

Scientists have found that psychedelic drugs such as LSD increase the mathematical diversity of brain activity, thus achieving a “higher state of consciousness.” What do you think?

  • “And then the next thing you know, you’re addicted to consciousness.”

    Phoebe McCann Molecule Stabilizer
  • “Why would I want to break down boundaries I’ve spent my entire life building up?”

    Reid Waller Nutrition Historian
  • “Drugs should just be simple and fun.”

    Joel Pruitt Oyster Garnisher

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