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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Study: Seeing Jesus In Toast ‘Perfectly Normal’

According to a new study, one reason people see the face of Jesus in toast and other everyday objects is because the human brain is hardwired to recognize facial features. What do you think?

  • “So I rejoined Christianity for nothing?”

    Rob Bauer Alarm Installer
  • “For its own sake, I hope toast understands showing Muhammad is verboten.”

    Michelle Landers Nutrition Specialist
  • “I wish somebody would see my face in something.”

    John Hoefler Guitar Center Manager
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