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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Study: Settling For Adequate Partner Better Than Waiting For Soulmate

According to researchers who studied the risk-taking behavior of early humans, people are better off, from an evolutionary standpoint, settling for a mate who’s available but maybe not the most ideal choice instead of waiting for a superior partner to come along. What do you think?

  • “The happiest day of my life was when I computed that I was statistically unlikely to improve upon Jennifer.”

    Robert Reedy Exhibit Designer
  • “If only Hollywood could capture the thrill of settling.”

    Helen Wilson Airbrusher
  • “Damn. And I’ve been going to college and jogging every day like a sucker.”

    Gordon Salinas Locomotive Inspector
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