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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Sex Education Should Start As Early As Age 10

A new study from researchers at Georgetown University suggests that children should start taking sexual education courses as young as age 10 to prevent teen pregnancies and STDs, arguing in part that early sex ed classes can get them proper information before they hear it from misinformed classmates and older kids. What do you think?

  • “Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just teach one 10-year-old and let him spread the information at recess?”

    Robert Sullivan Ranch Hand
  • “Actually, I find that having a few serious misconceptions about sex is what keeps it interesting.”

    Alice Campbell Kayaking Guide
  • “The last thing I need is a bunch of 10-year-old know-it-alls telling me I’m having sex all wrong.”

    Donald Hobart Unemployed

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