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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Study: Sexy Facebook Profile Pics May Hurt Women At Work

According to a new study, choosing to use a sexy profile picture on Facebook and other social media sites may hurt women’s careers because coworkers are more likely to judge them as being less competent workers. What do you think?

  • “Have I mentioned lately that I’m glad to be a man?”

    Joe Halperin Systems Analyst
  • “I wish there was a way to just quit Facebook altogether.”

    Amelia Conner Hamper Stacker
  • “Aren’t there any upsides to being sexy?”

    Grant Ellerin Marine Biology Expert

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