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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study: Smartphones Make Parents Ignore Kids

According to a study from Boston Medical Center, parents who used their mobile devices to text, email, or play games while they were around their kids were more likely to ignore or have negative interactions with them. What do you think?

  • “I may not be able to afford a smartphone, but I ignore my kids good as any other dad.”

    Hank Finney Mascot Designer
  • “That’s why I bought my 3-year-old his own iPad to stare at. Now everyone’s happy.”

    Doug Scott Systems Analyst
  • “I ignore my son because he’s a miserable disappointment, but to each his own, I suppose.”

    Bridget Yelchin Claims Adjuster

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