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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Study: Smokers Bad For Workplace

A new study shows that smokers have a poorer-than-average work performance and call in sick more than non-smokers. What do you think?
  • "I smoke and it doesn't affect my performance at work. Even if it did, I can quit my job anytime."

    Ryan Van Duyne Admissions Officer
  • "I don't see what's wrong with wanting to take a few days to yourself to get some important smoking done."

    Arch Potts Mobile Disc Jockey
  • "I think this can all be solved if smokers simply switch to pipes. Who doesn't appear smarter and more productive with a pipe?"

    Pepper Day Neurosurgeon
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