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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Study: ‘Tetris’ Can Help Curb Food, Cigarette Cravings

According to a new study, playing Tetris can help curb cravings for food, cigarettes, alcohol, and other temptations by as much as 25 percent because the visual stimulation provided by the game gives users an “essential boost in willpower.” What do you think?

  • “So that’s why gamers always look so fit and healthy.”

    Charles Whitehead Garage Door Repairer
  • “Oh man, I haven’t played that game since I was a little kid. But it’s true; I barely smoked at all then.”

    Rob Wexler Zoologist
  • “When I need the rush of a four-row elimination, nothing else will do.”

    Marie Jaffe Nurse Clinician
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