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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Study: ‘Tetris’ Can Help Curb Food, Cigarette Cravings

According to a new study, playing Tetris can help curb cravings for food, cigarettes, alcohol, and other temptations by as much as 25 percent because the visual stimulation provided by the game gives users an “essential boost in willpower.” What do you think?

  • “So that’s why gamers always look so fit and healthy.”

    Charles Whitehead Garage Door Repairer
  • “Oh man, I haven’t played that game since I was a little kid. But it’s true; I barely smoked at all then.”

    Rob Wexler Zoologist
  • “When I need the rush of a four-row elimination, nothing else will do.”

    Marie Jaffe Nurse Clinician
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