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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Study: Video Games Don’t Negatively Impact Kids’ Behavior

Contrary to popular perceptions that playing video games causes psychological and emotional problems in children, a study of 5-year-olds in the United Kingdom found no correlation between electronic gaming and behavioral issues. What do you think?

  • “I don’t care about my child’s well-being.”

    Betsy Scherzinger Demographer
  • “I’ll be sure to tell my little Headshot339.”

    Thomas Carswell Towel Inspector
  • “So we’ll never know what put that idea in Josh’s head.”

    Ahmed Rametta Salicylic Acid Blender

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