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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Study: Video Games Make Kids More Aggressive

Contradicting previous research indicating that video games don’t negatively affect children’s behavior, a new study has found that playing games makes kids react to real-world situations in hostile and aggressive ways. What do you think?

  • “The question is, are violent teens more drawn to these games? And if so, which games and how much do they cost? I’m scrambling to find something for my son’s birthday.”

    Willi Harper Systems Analyst
  • “My child was an angry and confused boy long before we got him an Xbox.”

    Marilynne Britz Home Goods Reviewer
  • “I can see this being true for a violent, angry game like Call Of Duty, but what about more subtle, poetic works of art such as Gears Of War?"

    David Robertson Dinner Guest Seater
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God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

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