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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Study: Wives More Educated Than Husbands In U.S.

New research from the Pew Institute found that for the first time in 50 years, wives in the U.S. are more educated than their husbands, a trend sociologists attribute in part to women graduating from college at higher rates than men. What do you think?

  • “Thank goodness I still make more than my wife, though.”

    Finn Corcoran Systems Analyst
  • “If my wife ever develops the upper body strength to open difficult jars, I’m out on my ass.”

    Jake Halverson Leasing Manager
  • “You see, that’s the difference between men and women: the graduation rates from college that you just mentioned.”

    Jenna Freeney Policy Advisor

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