adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Study: Wives More Educated Than Husbands In U.S.

New research from the Pew Institute found that for the first time in 50 years, wives in the U.S. are more educated than their husbands, a trend sociologists attribute in part to women graduating from college at higher rates than men. What do you think?

  • “Thank goodness I still make more than my wife, though.”

    Finn Corcoran Systems Analyst
  • “If my wife ever develops the upper body strength to open difficult jars, I’m out on my ass.”

    Jake Halverson Leasing Manager
  • “You see, that’s the difference between men and women: the graduation rates from college that you just mentioned.”

    Jenna Freeney Policy Advisor

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close