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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Study: Women Fake Orgasms To Increase Sexual Arousal

A new study has found that in addition to faking orgasms for the purpose of protecting a partner’s ego and ending sex, many women fake orgasms in order to increase sexual arousal so they can work themselves up to an actual orgasm. What do you think?

  • “Women do the hottest stuff when you leave them sexually unsatisfied.”

    Grant Herlihey Warehouse Supervisor
  • “If I’m not needed then why am I wasting my time doing this?”

    Daniel Alleway Historical Map Archivist
  • “Women who can’t even orgasm through intercourse alone must have something really wrong with them.”

    Matthew Aronson Catering Menu Planner

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