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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Study: Women Less Likely To Climax During Casual Sex

According to a recent study, women are half as likely to reach orgasm from oral sex or intercourse during a one-night stand or casual hookup as when they are having sex in a serious relationship. What do you think?

  • “This does not apply to me, as all my sex is really serious and tense.”

    Lenny Valentine Software Tester
  • “That’s odd. I try really hard to make my partner orgasm during casual sex, even if it means pounding away for hours and hours.”

    Shawn Pappas Tennis Coach
  • “Luckily, I come enough for the both of us.”

    Karl Scheidegger Unemployed

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