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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Study: Women Threatened By Peers Wearing Red

According to a new study in which women were shown pictures of peers wearing dresses of different colors, subjects viewed those wearing the color red as sexual threats or romantic rivals. What do you think?

  • “That’s why, when I wear red, I am always careful to wear it in the form of a shapeless, oversized turtleneck sweater with a baseball cap worn sideways.”

    Kayla Schmidt Community Liaison
  • “Isn’t that just like a woman to be subtly influenced by the unconscious evolutionary cues that affect us all.”

    Marcus Burton Hardwood Floor Refinisher
  • “Oh please. I can find something way more trivial than a red dress to feel threatened by.”

    Bethany Miller CrossFit Instructor
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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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