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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Study: Women Threatened By Peers Wearing Red

According to a new study in which women were shown pictures of peers wearing dresses of different colors, subjects viewed those wearing the color red as sexual threats or romantic rivals. What do you think?

  • “That’s why, when I wear red, I am always careful to wear it in the form of a shapeless, oversized turtleneck sweater with a baseball cap worn sideways.”

    Kayla Schmidt Community Liaison
  • “Isn’t that just like a woman to be subtly influenced by the unconscious evolutionary cues that affect us all.”

    Marcus Burton Hardwood Floor Refinisher
  • “Oh please. I can find something way more trivial than a red dress to feel threatened by.”

    Bethany Miller CrossFit Instructor

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