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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Study: Zebra’s Stripes Not For Camouflage

New research has confirmed that the zebra’s stripes, commonly believed to provide camouflage, do not actually assist in evasion since the stripe pattern becomes evident only after a predator has already smelled the zebra, leaving the reason for the stripes a mystery. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, well, then tell me why I’ve never seen a zebra before.”

    Garrett Schaffer Efficiency Tracker
  • “Viewers of reality TV have always known that zebra stripes are definitely not for camouflage.”

    Carol Whitmouth Kerning Consultant
  • “Ha! My roommate owes me $12!”

    Jeremy Cimafonte Sock Darner

More from this section

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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