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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Sugar-Free Gum Linked To Diarrhea

Doctors in Berlin have found that sorbitol, the artificial sweetener found in many sugar-free gums, can lead to chronic diarrhea and considerable weight loss. What do you think?
  • "I look and smell great, so what if I have a little diarrhea?"

    Wendy Beauvoir Choir Director
  • "It also leads to a million friends asking for a stick of your gum. Jeez. If you want gum, bring it yourself!"

    Wes Funa Hair Stylist
  • "Doesn't affect me. I was born a Hubba Bubba man, I'll die a Hubba Bubba man."

    Chris Smith Systems Analyst

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