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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Suicide Rate Jumps In White Middle-Aged Population

Between 1999 and 2005, the number of suicides among white middle-aged Americans increased 17 percent. What do you think?
  • "But they have so many nice, if slightly boring, things to live for."

    Carl Craig Systems Analyst
  • "Suicide when you're middle-aged is the coward's way out. Better to wait until you're over 70. Or, if you're still young, late teens is a good time, too."

    Ursula Zalben Mail Carrier
  • "Luckily for me, when I'm depressed I masturbate."

    Ken Newbrogh Bartender
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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

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