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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Suicide Rate Up Sharply Among Middle-Aged

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the suicide rate among Americans between the ages of 35 and 64 increased by 28 percent between 1999 and 2010. What do you think?

  • “They’re just going through a phase. Let it pass.”

    Alexandra Bozian Wax Molder
  • “Speaking for myself, I’d say the suicide rate has stayed about the same.”

    Roderick Callesen Furnace Installer
  • “Doesn’t anyone cry for help anymore?”

    Bodie Del Boccio Street Light Wirer
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