Suicide Rate Up Sharply Among Middle-Aged

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Vol 49 Issue 19

Dog Owners Have Healthier Hearts

The American Heart Association officially announced that people who owned pets, particularly dogs, appeared to have a reduced risk of heart disease and had better survival rates than those without pets.

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Lovely two-bedroom, one-bath condo, carefully renovated to retain the intoxicating scent of previous tenant Lisa.

Man Does Good Job Getting Drunk

ETNA, PA—Moments after watching him finish his fifth alcoholic beverage at the Crow’s Nest Bar and Grill Thursday night, sources reported local man Chris Serna, 32, had completed the task of getting drunk with a high degree of efficiency and s...
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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Suicide Rate Up Sharply Among Middle-Aged

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the suicide rate among Americans between the ages of 35 and 64 increased by 28 percent between 1999 and 2010. What do you think?

  • “They’re just going through a phase. Let it pass.”

    Alexandra Bozian
    Wax Molder
  • “Speaking for myself, I’d say the suicide rate has stayed about the same.”

    Roderick Callesen
    Furnace Installer
  • “Doesn’t anyone cry for help anymore?”

    Bodie Del Boccio
    Street Light Wirer
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