adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sun Chips Abandons Biodegradable Bag

After numerous complaints that the new biodegradable Sun Chips bag was "too noisy," Frito Lay announced that it was returning to the original packaging. What do you think?

  • "Maybe they wouldn't have encountered so much resistance if they hadn't tried to position the product as a funeral snack."

    Dave Fox Systems Analyst
  • "I tried to sneak a bag into a movie theater and security tackled me as soon as I got out of my car."

    Elisa Gittins Convention Organizer
  • "Are you kidding me? I crafted my entire freshman year persona around being the 'Sun Chip Asshole.'"

    Paul Kenemore Student

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close